Vicious Cycle

things have been somewhat better for me.
nothing's half as bad as i usually make it out to be.
it's remarkable the way the weather affects your mood.
there's barely any snow outside and the sun is shining
life is good.
but snow blizzards may bring misery once again
but it's easy to remember that with the rising of each new sun
the snow melts away more and more
peace and love are freed from the their dormant frozen stage
allowing the happiness and joy of life to run wildly in the wind.

but at the same time i've been able to see things clearer.
reasons for why i get so pissed at the world sometimes.
to start, i'm depressed and fat.
not overly obese at all, but fat enough to get myself pissed off.
i have abs but the fat still gets me angry.
very angry.
a year ago i stopped eating dinner entirely, but i realized this would kill me, so i stopped.
because of my weight, i'm depressed and it holds me back from doing what i want in my life.
because i'm depressed, i eat more then i should; eating junk food has a chemical which makes you feel good, and as i don't do any drugs there aren't many artificial highs in my life.
i told a girl how i felt about her about 2 weeks ago (although now i realize a relationship is not something i would have been able to maintain; and it's true deep friendship which i was seeking) and since then everyday i've been doing 25 minutes on the treadmill in my basement and 50 pushups (well most days).
i want to break out of everything bad about me.
i feel this is somewhat of a start, but i've never had any encouragement in my life for stuff i care about and actually want to do, so it's hard to find motivation.
as hard as it will be, the weight is probably gonna be easier to lose then the depression.
no one even knows i'm depressed, although all the signs are there, it just seems like the only thing my parents care about regarding me are my school marks, and i don't know if this is news to them, but numbers do not make people.

everyone has the potential to do great things in life, it's the inner push and the cheering around you that keep you going. everyone was born with a life full of possible accomplishments ahead of them, but it's up to us to filter what we need from what we don't need on our way to becoming what we feel we are. and right now i feel that i need to filter out everything my parents stand for, as i can only do so much for my own health, but being held prisoner for 17 years and not being treated as your own age is not something you can fix in 25 minutes on a treadmill and 50 pushups.